How to Deal with Randoms on Facebook

I find it odd that despite the privacy settings I set on Facebook, I am still receiving strange friend requests.

Random #1: People who pretend like they know you.


Random #2: Creepy, but "nice" people who want to be your friend.


Random #3: People who want your "fr8dship." Whatever that means.


Alright creepos! I've finally figured out how to deal with y'all imbeciles.

So You Think Your Life Sucks?

The next time you think your life sucks, head on over to fmylife.com and read of others misery!

Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number. FML

Today, on the crowded train, a cute guy called me over and told me to stand next to him because there were less people there. We started talking, but he left before I could get his number. Just when I was about to tell my friends about it, I find out that he stole my phone. FML

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I assumed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

Today, I sold my car for cash. Then, I rode a borrowed bike to the bank to deposit it. When I got to the bank, I didn't have the envelope, and I realized I had dropped an unmarked envelope with over 2500 dollars in cash on the ground in a sketchy, sketchy area. Now I have no car, and no money. FML

Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "nigger." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML

The World is a Stalker

So you think you're a stalker because you creep your friends or people you don't even know on Facebook? Psh. Facebook stalking is for amateurs. If you really want to stalk, get into the stuff that the nerds at Google have to offer.

Google Latitude allows your friends to be able to know where you are. Yep, that's right... instead of going through the trouble of trying to figure out where people are, why not just tell them? Life's so much more easier this way, don't you think? So the next time your friend is late to a meeting, and they tell you they were stuck in traffic, you can hit up Google Latitude and see whether or not they're lying. Because stalking beats honesty. Always.

Google Street View lets you view the world at ground level. That's right, you can pretty much creep your local streets from the comfort of your own home, without stepping outside. So the next time you plan to commit a crime or something, perhaps you should think twice because Google Street View is watching you.


Now with technology like this, you can't help but be a little paranoid (stuff in grey is said by me).

"Do you want to buy books from Amazon? I need to spend 20 more dollars to get free shipping."
"OK!!!"
"But you have to pay for the books yourself."
"Why can't you pay?"
"Because."
"Why don't you go to Chapters and buy them or something?"
"I'm boycotting Chapters."
"Why?"
"Umm, can't say. I think my car is tapped."
"LOL."
"It probably is. I'm sure my 407 transponder is too."
"Umm... ok. LOL. HI GOVERNMENT!!!"

A Letter I Secretly Desire to Send to the MSA

Dear Users of the Sister's Prayer Room,

May I kindly request the following from you:

1. I don't care if you sleep in the prayer room. However, if you do happen to snore in your sleep, then do not sleep in the prayer room. People like me will not be able to concentrate on their prayer while you sleep. People like me will also record your incessant snoring on their cell phone. People like me wish that your snoring could actually be recorded, sufficient enough to hear on their cell phone. People like YOU should be thankful that people like me have crappy cell phones with crappy sound recorders. To the sister who snores in the prayer room, I understand it may have been a tough day at school for you, but please, find another place to pass out. Thanks.


2. Do not talk while I am praying. There are other places on campus where you may speak freely. The cafeteria. The halls. The bathroom. Please don't talk while I am trying to pray. Please don't talk about how Reviving the Islamic Spirit is too Sufi and we all shouldn't go because our aqeedah will be weakened. Please don't talk about how all of the lecturers at RIS will go to Hell for misleading our generation and not conveying the true message of Islam. Perhaps if I were able to concentrate on my prayer, I could fulfill a fundamental component of Islam... you know, prayer. Yeah. Thanks.


3. Please don't NOT talk while I'm praying. Contradictory, I know.
   
   Sister #1 and #2 are having a conversation with each other. I walk into the prayer room. Sister #1 and #2 stare blankly at my face.
   
   Me: ...=D! *takes off shoes*
   Sister #1: Assalamu Alaikum.
   Me: Walaikum Assalam.
   
   Soo... as I walk towards the prayer mats, I can sense these two sisters staring at the back of my head. I begin to pray... and I hear nothing. Silence. It's all I ever wanted. Or was it?
   
   Me: Why aren't they talking? Are they looking at me? Is my hair showing? Do they think my pants are too tight? They must think my pants are too tight. Why aren't they talking to each other? Qul a'oothu birabbi annas. Wait, I think I already recited Surah An-Nas. Or did I? Maybe that was Surah Al-Falaq. Wait, which raka'ah am I on? I think I recited Al-Ikhlas and An-Nas or Al-Falaq. So I must be on the second. I think. Or maybe not. DAMNIT. I mean... darn.

Signed,
The sister who's not quite sure what she wants anymore. =\